This Psalm is often regarded as the saddest in all of the Psalter. The singer/songwriter lays out their dismal story before God – their sins, sorrows, woes and pain with little or no hope in sight – what could be more open and honest before God?
“But I, O Lord, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you. O Lord, why do you cast my soul away? Why do you hide your face from me? Afflicted and close to death from my youth up, I suffer your terrors; I am helpless. Your wrath has swept over me; your dreadful assaults destroy me. They surround me like a flood all day long; they close in on me together. You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me; darkness has become my only companion.” (v13-18)
Have you ever felt like God’s face is hidden from you (ie. you cannot sense His presence)? Have you ever felt like God is against you, an enemy, who is punishing you rather than showing His love, grace and mercy? I have.
There was a time in my life where I did not walk with the Lord – I knew who He was thanks to my upbringing, but I chose not to make Him a priority in my life or seek His council on anything. Eventually, my life of following my own wisdom and motivations collapsed like a house of cards and I consistently hit dead ends everywhere I turned – it felt similar to this Psalm, where “my friends shunned me and darkness had become my only companion”.
Thankfully, God used that time in my life to introduce me to some people who were His true followers, and they helped mentor me (though they may not have realized that’s what they were doing). They guided me back toward the light (ie. God). Their faithfulness and leading by example (as friends and followers of Christ) helped restore my hope in God and He turned my life around (God had to do this part, doing it on my own did not work at all).
That was many years ago, and looking back I see just how far God has brought me, and how bright the world is with Him here. Darkness has been shunned and my companions of light will never leave or forsake me – I lack nothing of importance. Believe it or not, I do not regret going through that desert – that dry spell gave me a greater appreciation for the living water Jesus offers.
“Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Rom 5:2-5) Suffering through tough times ultimately produces character and hope – God doesn’t want us to separate ourselves from Him, though He will allow it with the desire that it will ultimately bring us closer to Him.
If you have walked, or are walking through a desert, I wish to encourage you and offer you my support – in me you have a friend and a brother who will make time to listen.
Father God, we thank You for Your constant presence, love, grace and mercy. We confess that we sometimes turn away from You for a while, and realize (usually after the fact) that rebellion has some harsh consequences. Thank you Father for continuing to pursue us, even when we don’t pursue You. Thank you for not giving up on us even when we give up on You. Please continue looking for that one lost sheep and send Your Good Shepherd on His mission of mercy. We praise You for the lost You have reclaimed, myself included, and for those You will be reclaiming. Father may each of us know that we are loved by You and Your people, and that we can turn back to You again and again and still be welcomed warmly. We love You father and thank you for any opportunities You provide us to help You seek and save the lost. Amen.
~ Conqueror in Training